redrodnasoak

So well its been along time since I have written on this little thing sorry for the absence but i needed to take the time away to figure my life out and to see what i could do about getting where i wanted to go.
So some updates since i was last here, I finished my course, I passed my licensing exam so now i am really a nurse. I saw one very good friend move away to a different province and well have come to realize that we will probably lose the friendship and go to being people that say hi when you pass on the street. Umm well other news is that i found out from the doctor that i do not have cancer as they suspected, so i guess that means that i will live for longer yet, maybe just to piss people off i am not sure. but it was a scare to come face to face with mortality and the funny thing is that i find myself growing up becoming more mature in some ways ( some ways i will never mature in.) It was hard for me to talk about this with anyone, in fact only two of my friends knew anything about this and none of my family. I guess that i was thinking that if i did not think about it, well then it would go away, and i did not want to conforont how terrified that i was with this. the fact that i would lay awake at nights and just be too scared to sleep thinking that would be what death was like.
It took me awhile to come to grips with the whole fact that what i have wanted for so long is now a reality and where would i go from there. i have been looking into an option that was broached to me awhile back and the funny thing is that i am giving it more and more credence, i was approach with a job offer with the military to go and work in the medical corps. funny how you get these feelings and you just can't shake them, it keeps worming its way into your thoughts and every time it gains a little more ground. I know it can be dangerous, hence the whole danger pay thing, but it feels like i can do a lot of good with it, and thats the only thing i have ever wanted to do with my life is good, i know i will never make a million dollars, or cure cancer, or convince millions of people to vote me into office.
I keep hearing about one of my friends and how they are in this new relationship and i am very happy for them, cause they are one of the best people that i know. I hope it works out for them cause hey i am a sucker for a happy ending, not just the ones that you get from some massages. I also hope that my friends find great people to partner with. So well it got me to thinking about the fact that the most significant relationship that i have had well it did not end well and it seems that i tend to judge all the women that i date against her, positively and negatively, and how even after all these years, there is still a small part of me that still cares for this person, funny you would think that would go away but i guess it does not and what they say is true that you give pieces of yourself to people that you really care about. well sorry for the ramblings of this mad man, just trying to still work out my life, heh see you later to whoever still reads this.

so i went drinking on the weekend( yes i know any story that starts with jason saying that he went drinking is bound to end up bad, maybe even with police involed ) when i went to victoria on the weekend, well i got hammered and like my friend amber i started to have troubles saying names, only the names that i could not pronouce was shannons and brads, then apprently to top it off i told shannon that it was so cute that she is waddling now and proceeded to make quaking noises, i heard it took brad 20 min to get her outta their bedroom, to make it worse she proceeded to keep me up till 5am talking to me, i am sure the words i will f*%ing kill you to get some sleep were utter in there somewhere. Then can 8:30am, and shannon decided to make breakfast for the house, how nice of her you say, well when you have the hangover of death, slamming dishes, pots, and blenders are SATAN, and now that i think back on it there was nothing at breakfast that needed to be blended... anyway 9:45, went to lan party and did pretty good, but after 12 hours staring at a computer screen and with a hangover , well it started to burn. hmm then after that i started my job at future shop, now i am working graveyards and to top this off i have been having this weird dream lately ( by lately i mean every nite for the last week ), i dreamt that i was married to a girl and we were going to the hospital cause she was giving birth, the in question is sarahs maid of honour, marina, i am positive i don't like this girl, reminds me too much of Satan. The creepier thing is that aprrently sarah has been having a simialr dream were me and marina are married, but we have a horde of kids running around. To top this all off is the fact that i am now working with another girl ( also named marina ) we are the only ones that work in my section. So i ask you, what the hell is going on,
side note: moral lesson of the day, don't joke about a pregnant girls weight, they can be vindictive bitches, plus they can kill you and not a jury in the world will convict them. and if there is a fate thing, it can kiss my ass, being destrpyed emotionaly, been there done that.

You are The Emperor

Stability, power, protection, realization; a great person.

The Emperor is the great authority figure of the Tarot, so it represents
fathers, father-figures and employers. There is a lot of aggression and violence
too.

The Emperor naturally follows the Empress. Like an infant, he is filled with enthuiasm, energy, aggression. He is direct, guileless and all too often irresistible. Unfortunately, like a baby he can also be a tyrant. Impatient, demanding, controlling. In the best of circumstances, he signifies the leader that everyone wants to follow, sitting on a throne that indicates the solid foundation of an Empire he created, loves and rules with intelligence and enthusiasm. But that throne can also be a trap, a responsibility that has the Emperor feeling restless, bored and discontent.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

here thought that this was cool and an accurate description of me
( My Interests Collage! )

Sometimes I wonder what the fuck am i doing, why they fuck do i keep bangging my head against the goddamn wall over and over again. It would be so much easier to just give the fuck up and stop trying, citing the fact that I can't win so there is no point trying. I mean come on the track record is not so good between me and life. So i don't have material things that cost shit loads of money, or an imppressive car ( to attract all the tire biters ), or a huge house that is worth gobs of money, or the trophy wife that can give a great a blowjob but can't do simple math.
I do have some great people in my life, people that are worth more then any amount of "things" that you can name, sometimes I don't tell them how much they mean to me, but i think that i would like to change that now,
my friends
shannon has the strenght that amazes me all the time, is always there to listen and help me with any problems that I have. She maybe short but she is filled with 10 times her size of character ( sometimes scary ) but a force that when in your corner makes you feel like you have god themselves backing you up.
Rob is the slient bob of the group, there when you need him, says what he he needs to. will do what he can to help his friends, loyal. an anchor so that i do not get to off course when i take my leaps of faith. that its ok to not have a direction to go.
Nick, well nick is just nick, if you know him that makes all the sense you need. Hes the one that the girls find good looking, never has to worry about a date, so gifted with his art but th efirst to admit that hes a artist that gets paid ( aka sellout ). usually the one to encourage the leaps of faith.
Jaime and sarah, I put these two together, well cause they are married now but more then that they are two parts to the whole. practical, pragmatic, considerate. allow me to see that love really does exist and that maybe i will be able to find it someday, and the joy that i will find then.
Amber, she ispires me to try to do the things that scare me, at first glace you think wow she can't make a decision to save a life, but if you take the time to look deeper you see that she just wants to not hurt anybodys feelings even if it hurts her. but she had the courage to have a dream and the strnght of will to live through her crap to realize that dream. That no matter where I go in life i am not alone, people did come from places and childhoods like me and did survie. gives me hope that their is a cute girl that actually does like video games. if there is one there has to be more :P
Candice..well she makes fun of me, hits me, rubs my mistakes in my fact at times, and is one of the finest people that I know. She keeps me grounded, always there to support me, helps me and puts up with my shit. takes the time to listen to my problems and has not killed me, even with all the threats. trys to hide how big her heart is, trys to act tough but is really a big softy.
These are my best friends, they allowed me to find my path so far, and all i can do is to be there for them, they will truly never know how much they mean to me, how great they are, cause words will never express it enough.
doubt anyone there is still reading this, but if you are just hope that you have somepeople in your life that matter and have such a positive affect as they do for me.
Happy Samhain or All-Hallows Eve

will post a real entry later right now I'm off to play some guild wars.
Pilfered From [info]ningengirai

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST,
I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my list, so let me know with whom I am friends!

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movies:
5. Favorite Songs:
6. Favorite Bands/Artists:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

HERE COMES THE...

1. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
2. What's your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Why are we still on each other's Friends Lists??
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. What RP character do you think of when you hear my name?
18. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

I grad in a week and so it will be off to preceptorship, which i will be doing in rehab, well that is pretty much it for me. talk to you all later

so jamie is now offically married adn it is kind of weird for me. known him for so long that now things are different, it is hard to see that the people you grew up with actually start to grow up. but i started my practicum and it is great, just not sure about how i can do all this, i know it is a brief entry talk more later.

Lets see it has been an interesting summer for me, I went from having an apartment to a basement suite, to living at my dads to posible having a place again? the downside well the roommates are those flighty girls, so that could be an issue. The wedding is fast approching, which is kinda scary a good friend i have had for awhile is going to chahge his life dramaticly and well it means that things will change.
So i have three days of class instruction left in my course and then i go on my last practicum and then preceptorship. which i am really looking forward to. I am the kind of person who gets really nervous having a teacher looking over my shoulder and I learn better by doing. hmm I am kinda missing a friend that... well she was gone then here and I saw her once I think.. could have been a dream.. now she is gone... but she is going on an adventure, which i am very jelious about. I really have to thank shetan_tario cause she has been great this summer, but like me anytime you try to tell them there good points they get all sarcastic on you.
on a side note i went to talk to a military recuiter the other day about what my options where now that i am going to be a nurse, and they are pretty good. I have been looking into the role that the medcorps are playing in the middleeast and I think i may sign up for a tour with them, they said that more then likely i will go to afganistan, where the medical staff do 16 hour days for 4 days on two days off. i am not saying that i am going to join but i want to keep some options open for awhile, plus i really like the medicine that they are practicing over there.
well i am off. hope you are all having some good times, and the theme i would like to say to most of the women is this...
You are all amazing, don't let a guy drag you down, make you feel liek you are less then you are, and for the love of god go do what you want to do, and there is going to be at least 50 guys just waiting to appriate the wonderful smart beautiful women that you are. don't go with the one that treats you like shit.. YOU ALL DESERVE THE BEST. see ya

So much is going on in my life right now it is hard to explain, espically to someone not in the program that i am in but i will try.
So we are now in semester 3 where the focus is on the acute care setting ( i.e the hospital). What they are teaching us is to use the skills that we currently know quicker so that that you have more information to work with in order to use the new skills that they are teaching us. I got to play around with fluid balances today, isotonic, hypotonic, and hypertonic solutions for IVs. The main thing that they are getting us to do is to be able to look at a situation and "critially" think about the things that we need to do in what order, in about a minute. I hope that i will get to that point, there just seems like so much that I need to think of and so many things that can go wrong. But at the same time I can see myself doing this for a long time. plus i got mes a job doing personal care for 16/hour it works with school so i may keep it.
well byes

well everything is going good with me, i have been extremely busy with my new practicum, there are things that i would love to change but i can live with them. the facility has some very appaling practices but that is there problem. I have been thinking that i have been off work for long enough and that maybe i should get another crap ass job to bank some money. have a four day weekend coming up, yay. see ay

so welll i have been pretty busy, started the new practicum and got assigned a new paitent it will be intresting, just figured out that there is only 2 more months of class work to do and then the rest of the time i have on practicums and preceptorship.

Well today was fun, I am really sunburned, but loving it. Cause randy, rene, and me all have been drinking since our test got out at 930am. So I am a little tispy, trying to follow a friends advice to relax. but it has been great know it is going to hurt like a bitch tomorrow.
so i am going to pose a couple questions to every body

1) if you could change anything about me what and why. ( ie different hair color, taller)
2) what kind of person do you see me settling down with.

meh it has been a good day, an di am going back out to have a beer, play more volleyball, *cough* study for a test, and just have some fun,
here is for some friends they did a quiz thingy for me, and so i will respond to it.
loves to all my peeps out there,( that was for nick, gone to a better city, but not forgotten )
Amber
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
you have grown so much since I first met you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
Don't think of what everybody expects of you, just do something that will make you happy.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
forest green
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
your heart, the compassion, love, hope, that you exzude.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
well i could say that it would also be the river, but with alison and brain there that would be a lie, cause there was so much hosility in the air that it was not you, or anybody for that matter. so it would have to be when you allowed me to see the real you, which would have been when you me nick and candice where all hanging out. :)
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
a cat
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
why are you afraid of putting yourself out there
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.
you already did
Candice
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
that you hit harder then a lot of the guys that I know. seriously you leave huge bruises on me sometimes. :) but i would not be here if not for you
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
to see what all your friends see in you, the wonderful person that you are.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
pink ;P
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
your strenght, i wish that i could have the strenght of character that you have, and to be that secure in the knowledge of who you are to not care what anybody thinks of you. you live life how you want to, and that just blows me away all the time.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
me drunk in your bedroom after your friend dumped me and the compassion and the hope that you gave me. and playing uno and miles borne, the fact that you took me in and gave me the friendship that you did, i mean i could say that it was the time that said friend draged me to your house and i got to see you recovering from your kidney thing or the time in vic watching the young black stallion, but i would have to say that it was the first.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
an egale
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
why do you let people hurt you,
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.
you already did

well it seems that I have not had as interesting a week as the rest of yous, but it has been fun. We got a new student in our class ( she failed from the other class ) I got my Injection Kit ( which consist of 5 needles and 4 syringes, plus some ampules and vials ) my cat took one look at it and now won't come out from under my bed. I got a bunch of plants from my mother last weekend and have managed to keep them alive so far which I think is actually a record. Counting down the days to my next student loan, barring any fuck ups on the government side I should have some money again in 16 days. Watched some prison break with macey a little bit ago now i am having to go back home to do * shudder * homework. So cannot wait for practicum in two weeks, then it is no homework for six glorious weeks. I know something that Shetan_Tario does not want me to remind everyone, and I can be blackmailed to keep my silence. Hung out with a great a coulpe great friends at the strip club, god I love going to the strip club with friends espically if they are women, the strippers like to pick on them. hmm I guess that is it, well farewell from the land of Me, have a good one and a safe one, don't do anything that I would do, cause it will problay get you in jail, ahh jail its like my second home.
p.s I hear that In may the new dresden book comes out, i think i am definitly going to go and have to buy that.
p.p.s anyone that would like to resuce me from my own boredom feel free.

So lets see, I got it so that my teacher had to apoligze to me, Don't see a way that can turn around and bite me in the ass.
Been locked in my house trying to get all my homework / studying / essays done. well that is all that my weekend has been so far. although I am currently at jamies whoring out his computer and playing all sorts of new games that are not even out yet. :p I got to hang out with candice the other day it was nicce we watched some movies and such, plus I got her off the bed and we ended up on the floor on our backs like turtles, by we of course I mean just me. Had to console rob when the canucks got DENIED a shot at the cup, it was bad, a grown man crying over a hockey team, and that is all well I know I lead a boring life at the moment but this is the life of a student with no money
BTW amber I like that grayson thing you had up only problem I have with that is that he was suppose to be nightwing

So the rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with "6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself", saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.
Tagged by ephedran .. ephedran.. I will cruse that name till the day I die..well till tomorrow at least.


So 6 things that no one knows about me.. well this can get interesting, and yet i am such an open person that this could prove a little difficult.

1. For some unknown reason I can absorb quotes from movies, books, tv shows, etc, from just being exposed to it once. I can usually say them word for word days after too.

2. I was born deaf due to complications arising invitro. My mom got chicken pox well she was pregant with me and I was born with NO hearing at all. The funny thing is this was before they started to do hearing tests on babies when they were born, so no one had any idea that i was deaf until i was about 5-6 years old. I taught myself to lipread from watching seaseme street and that is why to this day i have a slur.

3. I can shut off my emotions and not feel anything until I choose to feel again, I have looked this up and apprently this is a bad sign.

4. I will usually insult myself due to the fact that it is no fun for others if you do it before them. hence the nick name "fat ulgy bastard "

5. I did not learn to read till one teacher would not let me pass until i could read, previous teachers had known but told my parents that they did not have the time to work with me so they passed me anyway.

6. Some may know this but others not, and some may still have nightmares about this, when i am tired i rub my feet together like a grasshopper.

So I think that i am going to tag beyondrepair, weetzee, vidandy_sensei, myriahs, naoka_chan, kurosakihisoka.

In other news I have just finished two tests and now only have two more to go, woot can't wait until the weekend. I have found and gotten the prefect gift for shetan_tario, From this i may be wanted in a couple of countries and i am sure that canada customs wants to "talk" to me, hah aha coppers, you can bite me. I am avoiding calling that girl back due to the fact I don't know what to say, yeah thats right I have above average IQ and never know what to say to girls. well I that that was a great ramble, and because I forget all the commands on this site i cannot hide it, so it will take up a bit of your screen sorry. PS. if anyone knows a good site for icons please tell me tahnks.

well it has been interesting,
my date got changed from saturday to friday night, it went ok till the end, then i don't know it could have been good or bad. saw some movies when i was supposed to be studying for my tests coming up this week, btw if you go see a movie check out V for Vendata. it was very good, also check out kids in america, it is also good. sides that everything is good.

well i am just on and off, kinda had a crap day at school but it was made up for and more by th efact that i havea date on saturday with ember, muahhhahahhahahahahah

Well, lets see, I am now four months into my 12 month program. It is going awsome, but when i tell people what i am doing in class they get grossed out, so I have learned to wait until they are eating to talk about it. Like today we were doing 'ostomy care, which is really kinda cool if you don't think about that the fact that you are working with peoples intestines. but it is really a great to be doing something that i can see myself doing for a career the rest of my life. If you don't live in the immedeate area, or within walking distance I probaly have not talked to you in awhile, plus if you have not listed me as a friend on your journal then you can't read my infrequent updates,*cough, cough* ephedran but i am not bitter or anything. On the personal note I have decided that random hookups from the bar are not always a good thing, so I got this girls # and email, yes jason actually hit on a girl in the college cafe and did not get shut down, in fact some of you cedar folks may know her, but still trying to set upa date that works for us both with school and shit. oh yeah i have to decide on wheter i want to do acute care or work in a facility. well befpre this crack monitor goes fucky again i am out of here. candice i hate your fuckin monitor, i will kill it soon.

well lets just see what is new:
- i just started my first practicum, it was totally cool, i got to work doing all the skills that i have just learned in class for the last three months.
- i just found that my friend nick made a video of all the stupid things that i have done in the last couple of years, but i am not mad, it was actually quite amusing, you tend to forget these things when you look back.
and i know that does not sound like much, but it has actually been jammed packed with school and work and all that other shit, oh yeah i quit my soul sucking job, it was fun doing that, i think i am banned from entering tim hortons now. :)
but i thought that i would update, maybe noboy is reading this any more but if there is.